How to (not) Survive College Exams

Today I finished my first round of college exams! It feels like my brain was force-fed encyclopedia pages while being squished by an angry elephant. But I did (not) survive. Here are some tips I learned over the past two weeks that you will (not) want to take to heart:

1. Don't plan ahead. This one should be pretty obvious. This works best if you do not use a schedule, planner, journal, diary, what have you. The goal is to memorize your schedule and everything you have to do and when it is due. You will probably forget a lot of things, but that's okay because it means you're trying hard.
2. Don't even look at the study guides or practice exams. What are you, a whiny five year old? Study guides are for sissies! Just glance at your notes - after all, you have a photographic memory and know all this crap anyway.
3. Don't go to office hours. Just don't. This is where people go to be intimidated by the organized students. If you do happen to wander in (totally by accident), never ever be prepared with questions.
4. Study alone. This will help you get into the mindset of the lone student who stays up all night cramming for her exams while listening to songs such as this and this. 
5. Slack off in courses that don't have exams. You'll totally have the energy to tackle double the amount of school work after. 
6. Eat lots of sugar. Sugar is your friend. It helps you focus. So break out the gay bacon strips and munch away!

Good luck!

Er, you don't even need luck if you follow these tips.

xxOlivexx